


last looks

by general_tyson



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Blood, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Resurrection, Temporary Character Death, and I don't know how to write combat, because the boys don't know how to deal with feelings, but it's not super explicit in here, everything is fine when the Wildmom is here, ish, it's really just a blip, so there's not really violence but there is blood, wanna be safe w/ tagging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26242639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/general_tyson/pseuds/general_tyson
Summary: Someone goes down. The other brings them back. They don’t believe it.(Or: yall know that trope when someone thinks they’ve died and that they’re seeing their loved one in the afterlife? That with Fjorclay)**Disclaimer/Spoilers for CR2E114: This was conceived and written before confirmation of canon ace/aro Caduceus. Future fics will be written with this in mind**
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 10
Kudos: 88





	1. paladin down

**Author's Note:**

> Writing combat scenarios is not in my wheelhouse so these are post battle situations in which Fjord and Caduceus are separated from the Nein. Combat in fic is great, but I’m here for the pining.

Fjord’s down. It doesn’t matter how, not now, not when he’s bleeding out on the cave floor in front of Caduceus’s eyes. Not when Caduceus can see the exposed bone of his ribs, partially obscured by the sheer amount of blood. The how doesn’t matter because Fjord isn’t breathing, and Caduceus isn’t sure he is either.

Caduceus drops to his knees at Fjord’s side, hands trembling as he raises them over the gash in his chest. It takes one, two tries, for Caduceus to form the words for the most powerful heal he can conjure, the soft glowing lichen flowing from his fingertips to cover the gaping hole....and disintegrating, crumbs of plant matter rolling off the armor and onto the damp floor.

_ It didn’t work. It didn’t work. Fjord is dea- _

As if finishing that thought will make it all real, Caduceus’s hand flies to his component pouch and he takes the largest diamond he has and wraps it in Fjord’s palm, closing his own hands around it.

He waits. He doesn’t breathe. Can’t, if he can’t. Just waits.

The seconds tick on, and on, and Caduceus starts to fear that the diamond too will disintegrate uselessly in his hand and he will be alone, separated from the Nein, with Fjord’s body and nowhere to bury him.

A warm breeze curls against the back of his neck, the one spot of warmth in this dark, dank cave, and Caduceus remembers to breathe. Remembers he’s never alone. The breeze continues to wrap around to his front, gently caressing his cheek before trailing down his arm, hand still in Fjord’s, and flows from his hand and through Fjord’s parted lips. Caduceus can see the air entering Fjord’s body, inflating his chest once, twice, and then the half orc gasps.

The tension in Caduceus’s shoulders melts as Fjord opens his eyes, slowly, taking in Caduceus kneeling before him clutching his hand, and he smiles. He brings his other hand up to Caduceus’s face, but stops when the movement twists something in his still torn chest. He looks down at the wound, surprised.

“Huh. I would have thought that would be all sorted, now. Strange.”

Caduceus can’t take the time to parse these words, the relief that flows through him at seeing Fjord, alive, almost knocks him over. He’s just reaching out to him to recast his heal when Fjord stops him, grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers.

“Hey, Deuces. It’s so good to see you. I’m glad she’s allowing it.”

His words are so calm, so disconnected from the fear Caduceus has been experiencing the past few minutes that his brain takes even longer than usual trying to piece together his meaning. “What do you mean, allowing it? Allowing what?”

Fjord’s eyes are roaming over Caduceus now, like he’s trying to take in every detail he can. “Well, you brought me to the Wildmother. It only makes sense you’d bring me to her, in the end,” he says plainly. He’s still smiling, but it falters somewhat as he takes in their surroundings, “I gotta say, I did think whatever comes after would be a bit nicer than a cave, but. Maybe that’s all I get.”

An unexpected anger flares in Caduceus’s chest. Not at Fjord, never at Fjord, but at whatever pain he carries, whatever doubts he has of himself, that he thinks a grimy cave is all he deserves, and it’s the anger he feels that jolts his brain into working and makes him realize what it is Fjord thinks is going on right now.

“Fjord, this is not your end. You’re still here, with me. We just happen to be a very shitty cave,” he practically growls. All the domains of the Wildmother are precious and beautiful in their own ways, except the locations in which the people he loves die.

Fjord is still smiling, still staring at Caduceus with some sort of expression he doesn’t have the time to figure out, eyes widening at his swearing and he chuckles, “I dunno, Deuces, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear before. Hard to imagine this is real.” Fjord starts to shift once more, letting go of one of Caduceus’s hands to try and prop himself up to sitting, and only manages to rise a few inches before his body remembers the wound he’s suffered. It’s then that Fjord looks down at his chest, sees the gaping hole and traces of diamond dust, and Caduceus sees the understanding in his eyes.

“Shit, Deuces, I--” Whatever Fjord was about to say is lost to unconsciousness; it seems that his brain has caught up to the amount of pain his body must be in. Which, Caduceus chides himself, he should have healed Fjord the second he was breathing again. He meant to, he just got distracted by...by Fjord’s hand in his. By Fjord staring into his eyes like he’d never look away.

Still shaking, Caduceus channels the last of his healing energy into Fjord; this time, the lichen is streaked with pink and lands solidly on the half orc’s chest, settling under the torn armor to cover the breadth of the wound. As he works, Fjord’s breathing strengthens and steadies, but Caduceus still panics when the man’s hand slips out of his grasp, his own pulse settling when he sees Fjord’s fallen asleep on the cave floor. Caduceus lets out a shaky sigh, grabbing Fjord’s fallen hand in his own before stretching out on the floor of the cave next to him, waiting for Fjord to wake once more. 


	2. cleric down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time, Caduceus goes down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After ya'lls lovely comments I realized I didn't explain my premise enough; this chapter isn't a continuation of the last but an alternate scenario in which Cad goes down. 
> 
> When I first wrote this I was so caught up in imagining how Fjord and Cad would react to dying in front of the other that I didn’t put much thought into what would come after that moment, but that feels like something y’all might be into? Come yell at me in the comments if you wanna see what happens when they both wake up again

_ It’s not enough. It’s not going to be enough. _

Fjord isn’t sure if the cleric is still alive when he rushes over to him, cool water flicking off his fingertips as he prepares to channel what small amount of healing the Wildmother has granted him. But there’s so much blood covering Caduceus, all his hair dyed red from the gash on his head, even more blood coming from the wound in his chest where the beetle armor is cracked in half. He can’t possibly be alive, with all that blood outside of him, but the intelligent part of Fjord’s brain fled when Caduceus hit the ground.

Dropping to his knees by his side, Fjord feels for a heartbeat with one hand while his other cups Caduceus’s face to channel his healing. He can feel the cool power flow from his fingers just as his other hand confirms his fear. He manages to staunch the flow of his healing before he runs out, used up on a body that’s past the point of being saved.

Cut off from the group as they are, Fjord knows they won’t get back in time for Jester to do anything. He knows he certainly doesn’t have the power to bring Caduceus back. It’s just him, and the cleric’s rapidly cooling body, alone in this forest.

Around him, a gust of wind whips through the clearing that’s strong enough to send a fallen branch flying, smacking him in the back of the head, and Fjord realizes he is not alone.

Clutching Caduceus’s face in both hands, Fjord closes his eyes and he prays.

_ Wildmother, this cannot be the natural order of things. Caduceus is not finished here. Please help me. Please, help him. Bring him back. _

There’s no reason this should work, but dammit if he isn’t going to try. Grateful that he didn’t use all his power before, Fjord focuses on the feeling of soft fur beneath his fingertips and pours the last few drops of his healing power into Caduceus as the wind picks up around them both.

With his hands on his face, Fjord misses the way Caduceus’s heartbeat flutters back to life, but the warmth that returns under his hands is unmistakable. The cleric slowly opens his eyes, looking dazed but his mouth immediately turns into a smile when he registers Fjord hovering over him. 

“Oh, that’s nice. Glad to know they were right.”

The tears of relief that threaten to spill at the sight of Caduceus, alive under his hands, are forgotten at the extremely confusing thing he’s just said. “Deuces, what are you talking about?”

Caduceus’s eyes flutter half shut as he learns into the warmth of Fjord’s hands. “Oh, you know. Couple folks who came to the Grove to die, they always spoke out to their loved ones at the end like they could see them. It’s nice to know they got to. I’m glad I got to see you one last time.”

“Caduceus, I--loved--loved ones? I don’t understand....” Fjord’s pulse is racing, in part due to the fear and sudden relief he just experienced, but more because the look of adoration in the cleric’s eyes is quickening his pulse and robbing Fjord of the last of his senses.

Caduceus raises a hand to mirror Fjord, cupping the half orc’s face in his fuzzy palm, still smiling gently, and says, “Take care of them all for me, please. I know you will, I know you care for all of them, but. I’ll let myself be a little selfish and ask you to do it for me.” Caduceus’s eyes flick over to his hand on Fjord’s face, and it’s then that Fjord realizes that the moisture he feels is not sweat on the firbolg’s palm but instead the blood coating his hand. “Oh wow, that’s a lot,” Caduceus says placidly, dropping his hand to his chest only to find more blood. “Oh man, that’s why that hurts. Huh.”

The recognition of pain brings Fjord back to reality, and he shoves Caduceus’s confusing words to the back of his mind to deal with later. “Caduceus, I’m sorry, I think I used the last of my abilities trying to bring you back, I--”

“Nah, I got it, don’t worry,” Caduceus states, pink lichen already growing from his fingertips and sinking into his wounds. “That’s all I have left, though. I’ll need to rest before we head back to everyone.”

It’s at this point that Fjord realizes his hands are still cupping Caduceus’s face and his own cheeks burn with heat. He pulls his hands away like he’s been burned and moves to unclasp his cloak to cover it up, bundling the cloak under Caduceus’s head for a pillow. “You should nap, Deuces, I’ll keep watch. Take all the time you need.”

“Mm, alright. Thank you, Fjord,” Caduceus’s voice is little more than a mumble as he curls onto his side facing Fjord, eyelids already drooping as the exhaustion fully sets in. Fjord waits for the man’s eyes to close fully before he allows himself to sigh, shoulders dropping with the release of tension. Things will be fine, he thinks, as he watches the cleric sleep. They’re both alive, and they’ll get back to the group, and then Fjord can work through what Caduceus said in the haze of resurrection. For now, he watches the slow rise and fall of Caduceus’s chest, breathing in the cool air and sending up a prayer to the Wildmother for bringing Caduceus back to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come yell at me in the comments if this was any good, and thank goodness, it's Thursday.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me in the comments if this is any good!


End file.
